I don't like goodbyes

So the journey starts today. As of writing this, I am not finished packing, and I have not finished my to do list (I won't flatter myself by thinking anyone expected me to). But it will be done, and all too soon really. It's funny how I started the summer thinking it was going to be absolutely forever until I went to Spain, and now it's staring me in the face. Where does the time go? (I get mawkishly sad when I leave places, just bear with me).

Before I go on any kind of trip, whether it's back to school, a vacation, just a few days away from home, or a trip to Spain--I compulsively clean my purse. I don't know why, but I don't remove practically anything from my purse until these cleanings (which makes it awkwardly heavy, and when dropped it has the dull thud of about $7 in change). So of course, tonight was purse-cleaning night. I dumped everything out on my bed (Also, the only time I make my bed is when I'm stressed), and started sorting. And I feel like I'm always rewinding through my summer, and it always defines how I lived my summer.

So what did I find? A couple of panera napkins. A receipt for gasoline (first time I pumped it with no one there for moral support). Two receipts for passport pictures (the first set was terrible, the second was troll-ish). A previous to-do list with nothing crossed off. Multiple pens without caps. One yellow battery, and one silver battery. A movie ticket to Up. But as never before, I have tons of train tickets. We're talking like, 10+. I fold them, I crumple them, I use some for bookmarks. But I never throw them out apparently. And, of course, I could be picking omens out of nowhere...but it feels like a good sign to see them all.

You know how at the end of Harry Potter, Harry ends up in King's Cross talking to Dumbledore? I think that was one of the best literary clicks I've ever had. I think if I were in limbo seeking the advice of a deceased wizard, I would be in 30th st. station. Trains make me feel like I'm on the cusp of something, like I just have to find the right track and the rest of the day is guaranteed to go smoothly. And seeing all the train tickets from my summer made me realize that I might have started this journey a long time ago...So today's just goodbye's. Tomorrow will be hola's. I'll never be ready, but I'm getting the impression that that's not the point of studying abroad.